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The thing with Unexplained Infertility is that I don’t think you can ever give up hope. There’s technically nothing wrong with you, so why wouldn’t you get pregnant this month? But…..why would you this month when the last however many months you haven’t despite there being technically nothing wrong? This is my life, month in and month out, hoping it works this time, dreaming, wishing, praying, knowing there is no reason why it shouldn’t.

But… Also spending the month trying to be realistic, keeping the hope alive but not allowing it to get that bit too much that I actually believe that this month will be different, you see that’s just too hard. It’s a very fine balance this hope lark! I always want to have it because I mean really what is life without hope? But not too much of it that I get carried away and have myself convinced that it will be our month because when the pain hits yet again that it’s not it can all be just a little too much.

I know it’s wrong, but sometimes I do still wish that there was in fact something wrong, a real reason I could say ‘oh I can’t get pregnant because…’

But there isn’t, it’s limbo land and it’s a land I’m totally fed up with.

Claire xx

6 comments on “Always holding onto Hope but……”

  1. Hi Clare, I’ve been following your blog for a while now and this post really resonated with me. I have unexplained infertility as well and I think you perfectly summed up how hard it can be to flip between hope and despair and sit in the limbo of uncertainty. Although I am v lucky not to have anything wrong (that I know about), it does feel hard because there is nothing to fix. Thank you so much for writing about this. Knowing that there are others out there who are going through the same thing gives me hope.

    • Hi, thanks so much for your comment! It’s always nice to think that my writing about what we are going through is helping others to not feel so alone. This whole experience can be such a lonely one. It’s so hard isn’t it? To be hopeful and positive, to dream it might be your month but to also know you can’t be too hopeful or too positive for the fear of the day your period arrives and your world comes crushing down again. I hate unexplained infertility, I know longer believe that there is nothing wrong but just something that the nhs can’t find on their tests. I mean taking this long to get pregnant is not normal 🙁 wishing you so much luck for the future! Xx

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