Every Time I think about going for IVF#2 my tummy does that whole flippy thing. That’s normal, right?

I suppose the main feeling is nervousness or maybe to rephrase it to really saying how I feel it would be more a totally crapping myself kinda feeling.

I’m not nervous about the appointments, the injections, the medications or even the egg collection this time. What I am totally crapping myself about is the whole part of this being potentially our last attempt. I don’t know if we will ever be in the position to self fund, I’m not saying never but it’s not something that we are able to look at at the minute. Now I know we are extremely lucky to get two free cycles and I’m not moaning about that, it’s just so damn scary thinking about the last cycle looming and trying to emotionally prepare for it.

I’m trying to prepare that’s for sure but it seems so much bigger this time. That big that sometimes I just want to phone up and delay treatment again, you know, to just keep this last cycle in the bank, always having it as a back up. I know though that’s not possible, I know I have to big up and just get on with it, to fill myself back up with positivity and hope, to try again and pray this time is different.

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Claire xx

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