Well today was official test day, the day that was given to us with much excitement two weeks ago, God is that all it was, it feels like months ago now with all the emotional rollercoaster we’ve been on since we knew the cycle failed.
Anyway, despite knowing it failed, even I’m not delusional enough to think that what I had last week was anything but my period. We still had to pee on a stick this morning and call the result into the clinic. I don’t take pregnancy tests, I’ve only done two the whole three years of trying so to take one this morning knowing 100% I wasn’t pregnant was weird to say the least. Of course the result was just as I was expecting.
BFN ~ Big Fat Negative in fertility speak.
Surprisingly I was okay with it, I wasn’t expecting it to be anything else and the thought of doing it was far worse than actually doing it. I made the call to the clinic with a fake smile plastered on and got the we’re very sorry, there’s nothing else that can be said is there? I’ve asked to be booked in for a follow up appointment. I would like to speak with the consultant on whether there are some parts of my protocol that can be changed for our final attempt on the NHS. I know there are no real answers to why it failed but I want to throw everything at the next cycle. I have lots of questions about this one that I’m hoping they can at least attempt to give some sort of answers too even if it isn’t clear cut.
I’ve come to terms with it and we are going to take some time out to remember who we are in the middle of all this. We can still try naturally which is one positive of ‘unexplained infertility’ and that will be our plan for a while. Not this month though, this month is just about us…