Less than a week to go until I start down regulating for our first ever IVF cycle and the anxiety is kicking in. I am a person who craves knowledge; I suppose it’s the need to be in control that takes over and having knowledge is having some control in my books anyway.
So with that I’ve finally started thinking about IVF and what it may mean to me. There are so many variables, not just the will it work or not but also the will the drugs effect me or not, down regulating appears to be no joke, you are suddenly attempting to switch off your ovaries and with that can come headaches, mood swings, extreme tiredness, hot flushes, low mood and even some reports of depression. A stuff of dreams…not! As much as you don’t want to think about all of this I need to, purely to know I can cope with whatever is thrown at me, to know I have thought about it really does help me even though this may not help others but that’s what makes us all unique isn’t it.
I think what is causing me most anxiety at the minute is the waiting, the unknown of what I’m getting myself into, the emotional side of IVF is the major hurdle in my view. You know that hopefully the effect of the drugs will only last a short while, that there is hope at the end that all this will result in a positive pregnancy test and eventually safe delivery of our baby.
But your emotions, they are a whole different story, happy, scared, anxious, cautious, positive, hopeful, low, strong to name but a few, swinging from one to another at the drop of a hat, never knowing what one is going to come next. Putting that brave face on, not only for others but for yourself but inside doubting your every move, second guessing yourself. It’s exhausting and I’ve no doubt it’s just going to get worse as we move through the IVF cycle. I need to acknowledge all this and by writing it all down it has really helped. I know that I have the strength to do this, no matter what the outcome is I can and I will get through the ups and downs of our first IVF cycle.
Wish us luck